Why being competitive is toxic and outdated
– or the importance of positive emotions
I'll put it out there: Having a competitive mindset is toxic and outdated. "How do you suggest I beat my competition and become successful then," you're asking? See, that's your problem.
Why do we always urge to prove how much more successful, innovative, or generally better we are than everyone else? I'm not telling you to lose your dream job to someone else or stop working on becoming an improved version of yourself every day.
It's more about your general mindset and attitude to life.
In the economy, there is an aphorism saying:
A rising tide lifts all boats.
This is an excellent metaphor to help me make my point: Why fight the other ships instead of learning and growing from each other to then smoothly sail the waves of success together – in an ocean big enough for all of us?
All metaphors aside: Trying to beat everything and everyone is not a sign of a winning entrepreneur or A-team player. On the contrary, it will drain your energy and comes with a cacophony of negative feelings like stress, anxiousness, and resentment.
And if this wasn't bad enough on its own, negative emotions have been scientifically proven to be a productivity killer. They narrow down your creative thinking, making you fall back into the same reactive survival mode your ancestors needed a few million years ago when their tribe was attacked by another. Today, this mindset doesn't only make you look like an ape; it also steals the valuable resources you need to actually be better than your competition.
The power of positive emotions1
Now imagine if, instead of becoming envious, narrow-minded, or overly competitive, you'd feel inspired whenever possible. Positive emotions like inspiration broaden your mindset and shine the sweet light of motivation, enthusiasm, and creativity upon your resentful soul. And that will perfectly equip you to take an idea you just saw and do something better with it. How does that sound?
As a bonus, double down on your positive emotions and thank the person who inspired you. Give them credit for their idea, link to their work, and give them the spotlight they deserve. After all, they motivated you to do what you did.
Of course, if you're a business owner who stole a product idea, you (hopefully) won't lead your marketing campaigns with a claim like, "The same product that XY sells, just with better features". But in most cases, giving credit where credit is due is a great indicator of a strong character. It shows you are not deliberately stealing ideas and that you are confident enough to take something that already exists, get inspired, and create something even more valuable. Classic win-win, if not even a triple-win.
In addition to making you a likeable and trustworthy person, consider the powerful network of like-minded people you could build with this mindset shift. Think of all the great people you once thought were your "enemies" or fierce competitors who will gladly continue inspiring and pushing you or advertising your work in return.
Plus, positive emotions like gratitude have an exponential effect when shared. Especially if you make saying thank you about the other person and not yourself. What that means: Instead of saying, "Thank you for the idea, it brought me a shit ton of money," say, "Thank you for sharing your valuable idea with the world; you're a true inspiration". Emphasizing the value the other person has brought feels much more fulfilling than talking about what you personally achieved as a result (bragging, for short).
That's the beauty of gratitude; getting something great and spreading love in return. And it definitely feels much better than looking down on someone you have just beaten. If you disagree, I suggest you come to terms with whatever traumatic event you experienced during your childhood before you continue reading.
A real-life example
Granted, this sounds easy and hands-on in theory, but it is harder said than done in real life. You will encounter tons of situations that will feel unfair. Situations in which your emotions will want to take over, and that will make feeling inspired and grateful almost impossible. Think of that colleague who got a promotion over you – you think they don’t deserve it. You don't value their work and attitude, and obviously, you think they suck.
But here's a suggestion: Instead of feeling resentful and putting your energy into trying to reveal every little mistake they make from now on, study what they did right. What did they do that you didn't do to get that promotion? Talk to them, congratulate them (and mean it), and try to learn from them. And no, that's not fake. Let go of your false pride, step out of your little biased world, and spark the fire of curiosity.
Even if you discover that whatever your colleague did doesn't align with your values, that's still a win. Then this company isn't for you. Move on. Be grateful for the learning, and embark on a new professional adventure with better chances of being happy and valued.
That's a prime example of how switching from negative emotions like anger and resentment to positive emotions like curiosity and drive can make you more resourceful and bring you forward in life. Trying to hurt someone's reputation or bring them down might give you short-term satisfaction. But it also means that everyone else has control over you but yourself. Giving others and their accomplishments too big of a stage in your head equals zero personal progress.
If you concentrate on others, do it only to work with them, learn from them, or be inspired.
Competition done right
Humans love competing against each other and showing they are the best at something. Be it in sports, science, work, school, dating, or any other area. It's in our nature. And that's good because this is how we evolved and why we don’t need to bang our chests and wave about with torches and clubs anymore to save our genetics. Competition drives innovation and builds resilience, determination, and perseverance.
But it's important to keep competition positive. Don't let it consume you. Therefore, a good rule of thumb is: If you're feeling negative emotions, you're doing it wrong. If it sparks inspiration, curiosity, motivation, or any other positive emotion, keep competing!
The whole article, but especially this paragraph, is inspired by the broaden-and-build theory by Barbara L. Fredrickson. Check out her work, it is potentially life-changing.